I hit and passed the 1 month mark in my new job. So far surviving. Super crazy busy from the first day + my boss and senior had no time to guide me through. It was like crossing no-men land under fire while trying to figure out how to use the gun. Safe to say I have figured out the bayonet and am hacking away, while still working on the gun…

My boss and coworkers said they really appreciate that i managed to adapt and contribute to the team right away. I can tell they are happy that i joined. But still, I felt really depressed for the past few days. I still don’t feel that i belong with them.

A sense of belonging is a human need just as the need for food and shelter, and is crucial in seeing value in life and coping with intensely painful emotions. There are many ways one could feel belonged and it is different for each person. For me, I need a place to put my thingies. Well, my random shit that i might or might not need.

I had been sharing a  locker with my boss due to the lack of sufficient lockers at work. Bad. I could only put some essentials….not my random shit. And the locker was not labeled as mine. For a short period of time, i could cope. Few days ago I lost it.

I did understand that it was irrational to cry over not having my own locker, but when the emotion hits logic just get thrown out the window. It got more difficult when the people around do not share the same view on the symbolism of owning a private locker.

After bring up the issue a few times, my boss offered to move out and give me his locker today. I felt a bit embarrassed. However, each person has their quirks.

Extremely grateful for having a considerate boss….

I think tomorrow will be better than today now that i have my locker. Finger crossed in Sunrise Land.